Okay, okay, listen, I didn’t just watch my kid getting attacked by a goat. For long. I would have, but I was being judged by a dozen parents standing around, so eventually I had to intervene.
The setting for said Goat Attack was at Schloss Hof, a beautiful baroque castle literally right across from Bratislava, Slovakia, but still in Austria, the province of lower Austria to be exact.
Schloss Hof was the former residence of Prince Eugene of Savoy, a Frenchman who advised not one, not two, but THREE Habsburg emperors, and helped the Habsburg empire defeat the Ottoman empire several times. This is the stuff Games of Thrones is made of, yet no one is lining up to write a Netflix series about the Habsburgs. It must be because of the famous Habsburg Jaw. I can’t imagine Henry Cavill looking very attractive sporting a prosthetic overbite.
Anyway, Prince Eugene of Savoy originally wanted to build a military career in France, but in France they said he was too short (insert awkward Emoji with wide eyes here). So he hopped on over to Austria where he was JUST the right height. As he aided the Habsburg clan, he became richer and richer, and eventually in 1725 he decided to build himself a lil ol’ summer palace outside Vienna where he could hunt in peace called Schloss (Castle) Hof.
Later on, Austria’s only and most famous empress, Maria Theresa purchased the Schloss, and after WWII the Soviets occupied it for a time.
It’s now been completely renovated and features the palace, the gardens and even a farm.
Today we’ll be focusing on the farm because! Toddlers! Entertainment!
For culture AND entertainment, take a short drive, or short train ride directly from Vienna’s main train station the Hauptbahnhof, to Schloss Hof, and spend the day strolling along the gorgeous baroque gardens, getting lost in the maze, OR, heading to one of the BEST playgrounds near Vienna.
Bringing extra clothes is highly suggested as your kid will probably get either wet from stomping around the water playground, or dirty from all the different slides and hills they’ll be rolling down from.
Did I mention there’s also a petting zoo?! YES!
That is where said goat attack happened. So here’s the thing: I didn’t see Little Lisa HOLDING the Oreo cookie in her hand. I don’t even know where she got an Oreo cookie from! You have to trek to a special store specializing in American candies in Vienna to even get one of those, so I don’t know when she went behind my back to get those. 1,5 year olds ARE sneaky though.
We walked into the petting zoo and I introduced her to all the goats. All went well, and all the goats seemed to REALLY like her petting them. A little TOO much. When they all started snapping at her hand to get at whatever was clenched in it, I figured it was a great time to keep taking pictures. Turns out I should have taken her shrieking as a hint that something was amiss and I should have rescued her then.
I finally threw my phone into the stroller when my friend reprimanded me. But aren’t the crying toddler pictures the BEST kind of toddler pictures?
You can truly spend an entire day at this playground in Schloss Hof. There’s a restaurant, plenty of space for kids to roam around and feel like they’re on a real farm. It’s called a castle but this part is basically like a big farm. There are donkey walking around, cherry trees that you’re allowed to pick and eat cherries from for free, chickens running around and squawking to their hearts desire, and llamas! Or alpacas? I don’t really know the difference but I DO know your kids will LOVE it!
Now, if you do take the train, you’ll have to take the free shuttle that Schloss Hof sends to the train station to get to the castle. The castle has a list of the pick-up times online, but if you happen to arrive outside these times, fear not, because they’re the sweetest folks there, and if you call, they’ll hop in their van and pick you up right away, And they’ll even provide you with car seats for the kiddos.
And if you’re feeling REALLY inspired and motivated, you can take a 40 minute walk across the border and you’ll be in Bratislava!
For more information on opening hours, directions, etc. head to the Schloss Hof website!